Thursday, 31 May 2012

The End Of An Era …

A sad dayIt is with heavy heart that I have some very sad news to impart today….. it looks like our halcyon days of happy rush photocopying are being brought to a sudden and abrupt end.  We sensed something was afoot in a Derek Accorah type way but never suspected it would happen quite so soon.Replaced by technologyHow I am going to break this news to Darrell I just don’t know.  Undoubtedly it will have a detrimental affect on the  recovery of his arm but I hope robustly that it doesn’t lead him to being permanently slung in his sling! He will undoubtedly need time alone in his room to gather his thoughts and muse copiously about what the future holds..... New photocopiersYesterday the old photocopiers were removed and the new ones installed ….  Jobs for MonkeysNigel tried valiantly to slow down the process by tying himself to the main copier, but  in the end all we could do was watch in silent tears and snotty sniffs, before Nigel had to steal himself away when the situation became too painful for him to watch.
Alone with his sadnessThe new machines work by using isotonic imagery, or something like that, which in lay persons terms means that they work off the power of your fingerprints, very  much in the same way as we are identified when we purchase our lunch from the kitchen.
IsotonicWe understand that there had been heated debate and candid interchange  as to whether the machines could cope with our lack of  fingertips and maintain the constant flow of rush photocopying.End of an eraBut in the end, despite robust negotiation, it was felt that our positions could no longer be justified or sustained ……. and we are now to be made obsolete.
What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word.
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

A Breath of Fresh Air For Darrell

Yesterday I told Darrell that languishing in bed watching Jeremy Kyle, Bargain Hunt and Loose Women and eating hob nobs would not aid his speedy recovery and he really should try and resume a "normal and active life" .....
So he limped (????) over the road to the village public hostelry to investigate their homage to the Queen's Diamond Jubilee ...... 
Though we are not experts, it seems to be a odd confection indeed. We are very much believers of the less is more artistic movement and not over egging the creative pudding, but we think that there maybe something slightly missing (and not just the burst blue balloon!),  but who are we to judge? .... Perhaps they are planning to add more nearer the day?  Anyway the robust debate that ensued after Darrell's investigation  certainly gave him something more to focus on other than why everyone seems to dress down in baggy tracksuit bottoms and trainers when appearing on Jeremy Kyle .....

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Colin Firth And His Cupcake of Choice!

pink cupcake
As I was sitting enjoying my mid morning cupcake and coffee, betwixt rush photocopying jobs, I couldn’t help but notice how many pictures of Colin Firth the office ladies had in their individual work areas, blu tac-ed to any available wall space …….
Colin Firth
I think it must be so WONDERFUL to be as robustly gorgeous as he and to make ladies swoon, something I would like to experience just once in my life to see how it feels!  And then I got  to musing, and wondered whether the aforementioned Mr Firth enjoys (like my good self)  the odd cupcake on set between takes …….. and if he did, what his cupcake of choice that would be??????? Hmmmmmm….. he looks like a walnut and coffee man to me!

Monday, 28 May 2012

The Patient Is Comfortable

Since yesterday’s post we have been swamped by concerned e-mails, phone calls and twitters all asking about Darrell’s condition, …..….. 
Medically, he has a rectal pulse of 84 beats per minute, a blood pressure of 120/80 and an outside body temperature of just over 38°, all considered quite normal considering his trauma.  His urine sample has  also come back as normal, however we are still awaiting the lab report on his stool sample which has only just gone off, because, to quote Darrell's exact words “I can’t do anything, the more I think about it, the harder it is to do, especially in that small pot! What if I miss??”  What is he like?
However despite his ….. erm reluctance to erm …. strain, he is in buoyant and robust mood and is managing to keep down light fluids of a Lucozade type nature and several Marmite and Dairy Lea sandwiches with pickled onion Monster Munch.
Naturally, Darrell will be off work for a while, and so I will cover for him until he is ready for a phrased return to light rush photocopying duties.  We also have a Sun £9.50 holiday to  Weymouth booked, I was going to go with Nigel, however in the light of present circumstances I shall be sacrificing letting Darrell take my place as an aid to his convalescence, and I will go on the next one.
Darrell wishes to thank you all for your concern and has asked me to tell you that he has now caught up with the Eurovision Song Contest as I had the foresight to set it to record just before our dash of mercy to A & E ...... he hasn't said a lot, only "Englebert was done!"

Sunday, 27 May 2012

A Eurovision Disaster Of Unpresidented Proportions!

Last night, half an hour before Graham Norton was about to take to the airwaves and bring us The 2012 Eurovision Song Contest from Baku, our raison d’etre for so many months and the televisual highlight of our year …… disaster struck …..
….. Darrell in his growing excitement had gone a*** over *it on the newly polished floor, resulting in our first ever medical emergency ….. (and just days after we first muted our concerns over our lack medical provision, how very, very  spooky and Derek Acorah!)
Nigel was first on the scene and was at first more concerned that there were limited edition patriotic red, white and blue M & Ms strewn across the floor than Darrell's as of yet undiagnosed predicament......
...... but when Darrell didn’t move and asked Nigel in an urgent yet composed type nature to "Find Monkey and find him NOW!"  Nigel soon realised the gravity of the situation.
Upon my arrival I quickly ascertained that Darrell had a non fatal injury to his left arm but
required medical attention and quickly assumed command of the situation, putting together a makeshift stretcher with Nigel’s help, before sending him to boil water.
By this stage all thoughts of Eurovision had vanished, Darrell's well being was now paramount ...... and we knew we needed to get him to hospital immediately.
 Once I had totally immobilised Darrell .....
...... I put Nigel in charge of taking the rectal pulse in Darrell's ear as I am sure I had seen it done in a John Wayne film once, but decided against giving Darrell a bullet to bite on just in case he swallowed it, as I was also acutely aware that if surgery was needed and a nil by mouth policy applied, Darrell's inadvertent consumption of the aforementioned bullet could delay any such surgical procedure.
Andy was sent to get the car out (I didn't think we needed to call the air ambulance out) while we continued to keep Darrell calm and maintain his bodily functions.
I have to say Darrell was an excellent patient .... extremely composed  ..... and accepting of
his fate .....

..... even having the malice of forethought to remind me to take his phone with us ..... just in case .....!!
When we got to the hospital we were told immediatley that photography was not allowed ....(hence no following photos) but Darrell was quickly attended to and was, after a robust prodding, scanning, several enemas and a quick x-ray diagnosed as having a sprained wrist, which was duly bandaged and a sling applied.  We were also told that if Darrell was in any further pain a couple of paracetamol's would suffice, and that the gas and air that he had requested would certainly not needed!
And as for Eurovision???  ..... it was well and truly over by time we got home and we were too exhausted to find out if Bagpuss Englebert had triumphed for the United Kingdom nation or how Emin's interval performance had gone ..... so we don't have a clue what ensued in Baku.  There was a TV in A & E at New Cross Hospital, but it was set on Sky News .... and none of us had the bottle to ask any of the mahooosive medical team attending to Darrell if one of them could ask the receptionist to change the channel for us!!
Oh well, let's hope that the final of The Apprentice won't be as taumatic for us!!!

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Just Hours To Go ......

The pre Eurovision excitement at Chateau Castle Greyskull is tangible and almost too much to bear. Our preparations have been nothing but robust and thorough …. probably more robust than even Bagpuss’s  Englebert’s in Baku.  We are resplendent in our Euro-attire thanks to Darrell .....
..... And we have locally sourced seasonal comestibles for our delectation during the evening, including some very patriotic and apt Limited Edition red, white and blue M & M’s ….. which we have now had to hid because  Nigel has worked out how to open the resealable seal and has already availed himself of half a  packet ........
....... we've also got a "nibbly" smogasbord of  pork scratchings,  marmite cashews, barbecue flavour Pringles, pickled onion Monster Munch with Vimto and Dandelion and Burdock pop as our liquid refreshment of choice.  Darrell mused upon viewing our selection that we appeared to have leant more towards the savoury rather than the sweet and wondered if this was a spooky prophetic omen ….. an omen for what, I just don’t have the faintest clue!!
We have also robustly tested Darrell’s phone, as he is planning to twitter our comments during the evening......
........ imparting our insightful and informative opinions and observations to all his followers ….. it’s just soo exciting. …… we are just hours away from the televisual highlight of our year …… Come on Bagpuss Englebert, the nation is behind you!

Oh and come on Emin ..... we are anticipating a quite wonderful interval too!

Friday, 25 May 2012

Pizza and Good Luck Wishes

Yesterday was the final lesson for the GCSE Food young ladies before going off on their study leave. Most will be returning in September when they will be in the Sixth Form but two will be going to new schools (where there will be boys!!!!)
GCSE Exams
We were all asked to join them on this special occasion, but unfortunately Nigel had arranged to go to Alton Towers with his friend Marcel and I had a pressing chiropodists appointment which just couldn’t be cancelled, so Darrell went and represented us all, taking with him small presents, “Good Luck” cards and a packet of tissues for when he inevitably became emotional.
When he arrived there was indeed Pizza Hut pizzas akimbo …
Pizza Hut Delivery
……plus lashings of fizzy pop ….
Muppets party plates
…… all to be quaffed on very sophisticated table ware!
Pizza Hut.
Darrell said that with so many choices of pizza it would have been rude not to have made several journeys to the “buffet”
Pizza Hut
What is he like?
Pizza Delivery..
And then, after much nomming and the giving of our presents and cards, it was time for goodbyes, good lucks and pecks on checks ….
Fond farewell
….. and for Darrell to sniff and say he thought he had a cold coming ….
Muppets Napkin
…… lost in memories of a wonderful year of stirring, tasting and evaluating and hoping that at least a couple of the girls might do A level Food so that the dream could continue!

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Darrell’s Bit For Best Kept Village Competition …… Continued ….

Remember when I told you about Darrell's plans to do his bit towards our parish council's entry in this years Staffordshire The Best Kept Village Competition …..
Covering the Tardis
….. by doing “something” with the “Tardis” as we call it, at the side of chez nous - Chateau Castle Greyskull????
best Kept Village Competition 2012 Bilbrook
Well…..  aided and abetted by Nigel,  he has planted lots and lots of sweet peas in a long box on the wall ……
planting sweet peas
…… the plan being that they will grow all over the monstrosity and transform it into a wall of “fragrant and delicate floral beauty” as Darrell so succinctly put it.
Sweetpeas and Monkeys
He also has plans for a couple of hanging baskets to hang from the brackets ………. what is he like?
I am tempted to buy him a scarecrow ornament from Poundland ….. but I am fearful that he might tut and flounce in a theatrical type nature and say that Alan Titchmarch would never countenance such a common object in his garden!! But that sort of makes me want to get one more!!

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Darrell's Inner Gok Wan!

Darrell has been robustly creative in recent days .... spending his lunchtimes in the Textiles Department comunning with his inner Gok Wan!
He had been fretting because he couldn't find, what he considered to be suitable t-shirts for us to wear, that set the right tone for the events of a patriotic type nature we would be celebrating or taking part in over the next month or so, and in the end he decided to purchase some iron on transfer paper and "create" his own  .....
Nigel had begged Darrell to help, but Darrell told him that he could only watch from a safe distance with his arms firmly folded because ..... and I quote ...... "A hot iron, in the wrong hands can be an extremely dangerous weapon and a serious health and safety issue"  What is he like?

However the fruits of all Darrell's work are quite magnificent and we will indeed look most resplendant when we don them for our first event ..... the much awaited and anticipated Eurovision Song Contest......
If Bagpuss Englebert could see us watching, suitably attrired, he would surely know that as representatives of the United Kingdom Nation we are right there behind him and salute his efforts to secure our undoubted Eurovision victory!